BYU November competition 2011

There are a bunch of justifications I keep making to myself to make myself feel better about last week, I have cried I have yelled. I have slept, and drank. I am still angry and sad. I am happy for the winners because they are my friends but I am sad for me because even second place is losing. It is startling that so much passion can be snuffed out by having a win slip through my fingers. I am not a loser like I am not a morning person, I tolerate it but everyone suffers. The most frustrating is that I had so much more I could give, but i couldnt translate it. So I take second place and lose. I don't want to dance or put my shoes on, I don't even want to look in the mirror or work out. I hear music and it is like tasting sand, so aggravating I just want to get rid of it. Teaching which is my joy is just another job. This happens smetimes and I have to fight through everything to keep working so I can get things done. Hard thing is is that it will never be done, this sport, my life, this is madness.