Journal entry

When I was in gymnastics we were taught to visualize and I remember doing it quite a lot and then it bled into other thing in my life, if I couldn't sleep I would sit up cross legged in bed and start with one subject, like a cartwheel, then picture me doing it on a fence, then through a field, through the snow, while it was raining. The images helped me focus and relax my body and mind. Often times driving with my mom I would do the same thing, it became a way for me to think, just picture movement in my head. I do this still but when I try to visualize myself picturing myself do certain movement sometimes I can't. Like I used to picture myself doing tricks on beam but I would always fall, hurt myself. This was obviously counterproductive but I guess one thing it did help me do was visualize how my body would fall, how to countermove to eliminate pain. Anyway I do this with dance too, when I think of certain steps I can visualize how my body has to move to look the way I want or to control my balance and momentum. And sometimes I still visualize myself messing up, coming out of a spin with too much momentum and my body falling off balance. I was just watching a video of T and I from a few months back and I realize there were a few moments in the video where I I'd lose control like that but since I had thought of it in my head and knew how that would feel and look, I was able to cover it up well enough to convince the audience otherwise... We are riding the us back to London so we can fly to Boston tomorrow, watching the road out of the window reminded me of all those car rides with my mom to gymnastics, picturing myself doing back handsprings along the telephone wires. I have to pee but I won't use the bathroom on the bus...just because. And I really want it to be tomorrow. London is really fun but I want to get to Boston. I want to practice and eat taco bell and see our friends. I miss my momma quite a bit. In the past being homesick is just something you deal with, like a scab, picking at it just makes it worse, best to just deal with it. But being here with TJ makes homesick no big deal, he is my hello kitty band aid with all the comfort I need.